Mar. 12th, 2015

I had a dream last night that I was being bullied. I was in a place that had elements of both a workplace and a public school… we were seated at office desks getting various work-type things done, but I remember having to catch a yellow school bus home at a particular time.

One coworker asked me to take a look at something, and while I was engrossed in code he dripped honey on top of my head. Another time someone showed me a tray of devices, and as I was pointing out what each one would need in order to be deliverable her friend was writing rude things on my pant leg in magic marker.

Those are the only incidents I can remember clearly, but there were a number of others. The overall feeling was one of helplessness; there was nothing I could do to stop it, nobody seemed to care that I was being humiliated, and I had no escape (just like in middle school, I "had" to stay with these clowns until the dismissal bell rang).

In pretty much all cases there was some vulnerability that they were taking advantage of (e.g. inattention) and retribution was impossible. I tried to "toink" one guy's ears, but try as I might I just couldn't connect. They could hurt me, but I was powerless to do anything to them

This just goes to show how deeply this stuff goes in. I'm 50-mumble years old and it's *still* coloring my outlook to this day. Sometimes when I bring this up, my peers (typically the ones who were doing some form of bullying themselves) tell me to "get over it".

Fuck you. The next person who tells me to just "get over it" is getting the mother of all wedgies. And in real life, I can deliver.

March 2015

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